Troubleshooting Accountability Groups

WHAT DO WE MEAN BY ACCOUNTABILITY?

One question I get asked now and then as a missionary is, “who are you accountable to?” Now, before answering the question it is important to know what they mean by that. There are different kinds of accountability. They could mean:

1) Who’s or what church’s authority are you under?

Sometimes this can come to mean who do you answer to or go to when serious issues arise, or need prayer?
Accountability can also mean who sent them out to plant a church or do some other type of missions work. In some cases, not all, it becomes a disconnected formality, where they can’t be fully accountable due to the geographic distance. In others, where serious intentionality and shepherding is provided, they could be actively involved in overseeing at least some key aspects of the ministry and praying for them.
Alternatively, accountability could also mean that a church is autonomous in many regards, but that they simply have the name and affiliation of a larger more widespread denomination or organization. However, if they do teach, or begin to believe, something which goes against the organizations beliefs, expectations or policies, they can be removed or disciplined.

More often than not, in a Presbyterian Denomination, you would have authority accountable to and submitted to higher authorities by city, region, and nation. Sometimes denominations or non-denominational church networks may have something similar to a presbyterian hierarchy in a looser form.

In our case, we are members of the Presbyterian church in Ukraine and we are submitted to their leadership. We work closely with them in ministry though MIA, as a para-church organization, is not apart of that denomination. Our pastor does serve on the MIA board of directors.

2) Who manages or oversees your finances?

This could be a board of elders at a church, a bookkeeper, or a board of directors in a non-profit organization. In our case, it is the board of directors and our treasurer.

3) Who do you meet with regularly to share your temptations and struggles with and confess your sins to?

This is the form of accountability we want to address in this blog post. In an ideal accountability setting people would be completely honest (without telling only half the story), completely transparent, entirely trusting and vulnerable, exceptionally discerning, humble, non-judgmental and full of grace and love for one another. It doesn’t hurt to be an experienced pastor, ministry leader or counselor as well. Of course, none of us do any of this perfectly, the very reason we have a need for accountability in the first place — we are sinners.

The idea of course is to help one another see sins we might be blind to, or confess those sins we struggle with, in order to bring them into the light that they might lose power over us. Then we apply the glorious truths of the Gospel, receive God’s forgiveness, and through the prayers of our accountability partners find victory!

THE PROBLEMS WITH ACCOUNTABILITY GROUPS

Instead, what happens is things get messy. Anywhere you have a group of sinners in one room, things are gonna get messy. A variety of problems arise when we do start meeting with one person, or a group of people, for this kind of spiritual accountability.

1. A spirit of competition and pride

As much as any of would not want an accountability group to create an atmosphere of comparison and competition, it often can. If one person is struggling seriously with a sin they may not be transparent with it when another guy or gal appears to be more spiritual than they. From this subtle competitiveness can arise jealousy. So, rather than overcoming sin, we have just brought more sin into the picture.

2. Self-righteousness and legalism

[pullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”#87bff0″ class=”” size=”16″]…an accountability checklist …can easily become performance oriented. Share on X[/pullquote]

When we go through an accountability checklist of areas in our life to ask how we are doing with sin and temptation, due to the sinful state of our hearts, it can easily become performance oriented. If we are doing well we can forget about the Gospel and maybe even look down on our brother or sister, even if we do not intend to. This approach to accountability can also encourage the unhealthy tendency in us to focus on our own “righteous” acts as opposed to Christ’s.

3. A fear of man and peer-pressure

We may avoid a certain sin throughout the week simply because we do not want to show up at our accountability meeting having to confess our wrong, not because we love God, but because we are too concerned what our peers will think. Our motive becomes corrupted for why we put our sin to death, revealing to us a deeper underlying idol in our lives.

4. It creates opportunities for spiritual abuse to happen

No matter how good intentioned we are, even the best of men are only men at best. Inexperienced counselors, biases, sinful assumptions of people, etc can get in the way of discerning a person’s situation accurately. Even if we sincerely attempt to rely on the Holy Spirit for guidance and wisdom, does not mean that we’re always gonna get this right. Our carnal nearsighted opinions can easily get in the way. Unintentionally, we could be harming another person by the things we say. We may think we know how to handle a persons situation, but can be entirely wrong altogether.

It is also entirely possible that you get in a group with someone who just shouldn’t be counseling people, for whatever reason they personally may have it our for you, or they may try to use their position of authority to control you or verbally abuse you. These situations are extremely unfortunate and can require counseling, a significant time of healing and support to grow through.

5. When a person repeatedly struggles with the same thing they may avoid the group altogether

I know I have experienced the aggravating situation of feeling trapped in a cage and being powerless over some idol in my heart. The confession is sincere and the desire to be free from it is sincere, but the strongholds of it in the mind may be so deep that it requires a significant amount of prayer, time, learning, battling, growth, and healing before we are overcomers. If the Gospel is not being rightly applied (which is common), the shame in this can be unbearable, and nobody wants to be stuck on the hamster wheel of confession, prayer….failure — again, repeat.

ACCOUNTABILITY IS BIBLICAL

There are others things that can go wrong with accountability groups, but these are some of the biggies. Nevertheless, we know it is biblical to confess our sins to each other, bring our deeds into the light, and do all we can to kill our sin by the Spirit. To kill our sin we have to see our sin, which can be very deceptive, and sometimes it takes another person to help us see it. It is also biblical to confront others with their sin and help them to remove it. Here are just a few verses on the subject:

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16

“For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.” John 3:20-21

“For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.” Romans 8:13

“…take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:5

“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.” Galatians 6:1

ACCOUNTABILITY GROUPS REDEEMED

This week I set out to create a list of accountability questions for the team members of our ministry and the people we disciple in Ukraine. I was attempting to build a fairly exhaustive collection from many different sources online, then go through them and create our own version. During this process I began to stumble across different articles criticizing accountability groups and pointing out their downfalls. I also stumbled across some new and refreshing approaches to overcoming these problems. Of course, with sinners involved, no group is going to be perfect and we will all learn and make mistakes along the way, but I believe by emphasizing the following principles, we can redeem accountability groups and find them to be something highly fruitful!

1. ESTABLISH DEEP RELATIONSHIPS Take time to get to know the people and spend time with them inside and outside your group. Especially if a person opens up and is struggling with a sin that might bring a significant amount of shame. Let this person be assured you are not judging them or rejecting them in any way. For some people this may mean learning to extend grace in ways they are not used to. Certainly we can all grow in this area.

Spend time in groups sharing your stories to get context and background on each person. Revisit those stories and go further with them from time to time.

2. KEEP IT GOSPEL SATURATED Cultivate an atmosphere of grace and understanding. Don’t assume people have sinful motives (that only God can know), give them the benefit of the doubt. When people do confess sins make them feel safe, shower them with the Gospel and grace, assure them of God’s forgiving and tender character, time and again.

[pullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”#87bff0″ class=”” size=”16″]For every look we take at ourselves be taking two or three looks at Christ! Share on X[/pullquote]

3. START FROM SCRIPTURE Rather than going through a checklist of how you did with your sins that week, read through a passage of Scripture together and focus on the person and works of God, the glories of the Gospel and grace. As issues arise from the passage allow people to share freely. For every look we take at ourselves be taking two or three looks at Christ!

4. CHOOSE GOOD QUESTIONS Ask far more questions then you make statements or give advice. DNA groups, a source linked to below, teach people to make one statement for every ten questions. If you sense something is going on with someone, ask rather than tell, and allow them to “discover” it and own it for themselves. Everyone will get better at this with experience.

5. PICK THE RIGHT TEAM Find people who know you and who you can trust. Also find people who are willing to show tough love and speak truth even when it isn’t easy. This may take time, especially if you are in a new church or city, but ultimately this will require taking risks and making yourself vulnerable.

6. FEAR GOD Remember that all things are naked and open before God. You might be able to hide from your friends, but you cannot hide from God.

“And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” Hebrews 4:13

7. BE KILLING SIN Someone has said that accountability groups are not necessary if a person has good Christian friends and family. I understand the thought but would heavily disagree. If there is not intentionality in exposing our sin, even the closest friends will not challenge us of their own initiative, especially if there is no reason to think something is going on. This can also make it very easy for people to hide behind false personas. It seems we should be utilizing all means of killing sin as opposed to rationalizing why an accountability group couldn’t be helpful, even for the strongest of Christian leaders. Accountability groups don’t have to be pegged for a systematic inorganic thing. They’re only that if we make them that. Sometimes, it is necessary to probe and push some on people to help them to see things. This should be done with a great deal of love, wisdom, timing and sensitivity.

8. DISCOVER THE ROOT ISSUES Focus on questions of identity and idolatry as opposed to surface sins or behavior modification. Getting to the root issues, realizing and really believing that we are God’s beloved children and fighting idolatry through expulsive replacement rejoicing (replacing affections for created things with higher affections for the Creator), will advance us in our war against sin. We need to know and believe who we are in Christ.

9. GROW TOGETHER Allow people to be wrong about you. To grow in this ministry of helping one another, there is going to be times when our friends just get it wrong. They may think we have an issue we just don’t, or they may misinterpret things at times. If this is the case, know when to not take things to heart. Patiently explain where you think they erred. If you still can’t agree, it’s ok. Pray that the Holy Spirit would reveal the truth in His time. Realize you are both sinners who see things imperfectly and try to get it right next time.

“Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” Proverbs 19:11

10. MEET IN GROUPS OF THREE When meeting in groups of three men or three women you increase the dynamic, as you can get feedback from two different angles. Any more than three and you make it more difficult for people to have time to share and may decrease people’s willingness to share deep inner struggles.

BEHOLD JESUS

So Jesus said,
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” (Jn 14:15)
And what do we do with our performance based attitudes? We focus on the doing of the commands. Which leads to what? Certain failure! Which leads to what? Despair.

What if we focused on the love and the obedience was an outflow of that relationship? Sounds good right? But the ability to love with all our heart, mind soul, and strength is weak. (Mk 12:30)

The bible says, “We love because he first loved us.” (1 Jn 4:19)
We love him as a response to His love. The problem here is we can know He loves us in our head, but where is the deep faith? The deep, secure, true experiential and soul knowledge that He loves us? That we are His beloved? That He loves us with the same love He had for Christ?

If we are in Christ, we are in Christ.

I’m convinced that we need a more profound deep seated understanding of our identity in Christ, that we are loved by God. Our love for God becomes an outflow from that, and obedience to His commands is then “organic” and free as He imparts life to us, His beloved children.

So where do we get this belief? When do we really begin to believe He loves us the way He does?

I believe it is found in His presence and cultivating a life of abiding there. It all starts when we draw near to Him and open our hard hearts to His love.
Let Him love you.

“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.” John 15:4-8

As we focus on the grace and glories of God in Christ, we are being sanctified, and that not by any legalistic efforts of our own, but it is by the Spirit!

“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18

“Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?” Romans 2:4

SOURCES

Here are five sources from which I compiled these ideas. I plan to develop them further into an original version of accountability ministry for MIA when the time is available.

Fight Clubs
DNA Groups — DNA Group Process
Coming Clean and other resources from Covenant Eyes
The Gospel Centered Life Participant’s Guide
David Powlison’s X-Ray Questions

Soma Church has also released a couple training videos on DNA Groups: